Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Oh, don't look at me like that.

So I realize that this probably won't be seen by anybody until it's passed, but I was reminded today that my birthday is pretty much in five days after really not remembering I had a birthday at all.

Forgot my birthday too?

Feel like our relationship warrants more than a card?

Want to spend easy money on me?


Then do I have the solution for you!!1


  • Just give me the money, really.
  • Best Buy gift cards (this is actually a priority at the moment).
  • iTunes gift cards are always a staple.
  • Sephora gift cards (not because I actually want to make my face more presentable and less frightening for small children, but because I now have to invest in high-end make-up that doesn't melt off of my face in 105+ degree weather within 4 seconds of applying it).
  • An otter.

I'm a woman of simple tastes. And I don't feel the need to be slighted by anyone who doesn't get me anything for my birthday, so that's completely fine too. 

I just figured it was time to throw this out there because I haven't updated in awhile, and because y'all really don't need to put much thought into presents for me. Really. All I do is eat, sleep, game, and sleep. And fight my dad on a daily basis.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Dad is done with Mom and me.

Mom: "...John, I can get this new phone for *such-and-such* dollars..."

Kimberly: "Wanna get me a new wardrobe for *such-and-such* dollars-?"

Mom:


Kimberly:


Mom: "What about the... the Mrortrorala...."

Kimberly: "....Did you just try and say Motorolla?"

Mom: "..... Yes."

Kimberly:


Dad:

Friday, February 27, 2015

Because I'm rude and elitist and sick of the internet.

(I also have a giant research paper due on Sunday that I'm only two pages into and I'm leaving for SLC for the weekend so I'll barely have time to focus on it and also my period is due any day now so I kind of have the urge to stab everything within reach maybe. Idk.)

I don't wanna see The Dress show up again on my computer screen and I don't wanna hear about how interesting or cool it is. It's literally just biological science and it's been around for awhile. Hard to believe, I know.

To quote a blessed soul I saw on the internet today when people started freaking out about it:

Your eyes have retinas, the things that let you interpret color. There’s rods, round things, and cones that stick out, which is what gives your eye a textured appearance in the colored part. The “cones” see color. The “rods” see shade, like black, white and grey. Cones only work when enough light passes through. So while I see the fabric as white, someone else may see it as blue because my cones aren’t responding to the dim lighting. My rods see it as a shade (white). There’s three cones, small, medium and large. They are blue sensitive, green sensitive, and red sensitive. As for the black bit (which I see as gold), it’s called additive mixing. Blue, green and red are the main colors for additive mixing. This is where it gets really tricky. Subtractive mixing, such as with paint, means the more colors you add the murkier it gets until it’s black. ADDITIVE mixing, when you add the three colors eyes see best, red, green and blue, (not to be confused with primary colors red, blue and yellow) it makes pure white.
 —Blue and Black: In conclusion, your retina’s cones are more high functioning, and this results in your eyes doing subtractive mixing.
 —White and Gold: our eyes don’t work well in dim light so our retinas rods see white, and this makes them less light sensitive, causing additive mixing, (that of green and red), to make gold.

( In other words, nice job on the "WHITE AND GOLD ALL THE WAY BABY"


You just admitted to having less than favorable eyesight. Or just average. Anyway. )

So to prove this theory, you can get on your computer or your phone and mess around with the brightness on your screen, showing that when you dim it, chances are, the colors might turn blue/black or some variation of it instead of white/gold or some variation of that. That just means that people who saw blue/black normally ultimately have more favorable eyesight due to their sensitivity to light (and didn't look straight into the sun as a kid when your mom told you not to).

Lastly, if you're seeing variations at different times, that usually means your eyesight is rather average, as it changes because of the tilt of your phone/computer screen, or lighting in the room. It's the same type of crap used in optical illusions.


Now if y'all will at least pretend like it's not some novelty that has just been discovered, then I'll get back to my stupid lit. review with the knowledge that yes, staying indoors most of my life and hiding in my cave of a room ended up paying off in a way because I haven't seen one shred of white and gold on that gosh-awful ugly dress, thanks.


Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Wow, okay?

Kimberly: "Hey can I lock you guys up into your room Thursday night?"

Mom: *not even paying attention* "Sure we can watch something back there Thursday night."

Dad:

"I'm.... sorry, what?"

Kimberly: "The Season 3 premiere of Vikings is on."

Dad: "Well we can just record the whole series and if it's convenient for you to watch it, then great, and if not, then at least you have it on the TV."

Kimberly:


Dad: "Alright, what's the problem with that?"

Kimberly:


Dad: "Don't suck the joy out of life like unto a weasel with an egg."


Mom:


Kimberly:



Dad:

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

YEAR OF THE RAM.

Since it's the Chinese New Year (OF THE RAM)(WHICH IS ME)(1991 BABY), we went to the Venetian to see the display that they put up every year with the respective animal that correlates with that year.

Once we got home and were talking about who in our family was what animals that night, we got talking on the jargon and names of the animals.

Mom: "So is anyone in the year of the Pig?"

Kimberly: "Don't you... think Pig is a little touchy. I mean. I don't know, I'd call it the year of the Boar or something."

Dad: "Boar is a male pig. So if it's a female in our family that ends up in that year, you could call it the year of the Sow."

Mom:


Kimberly:


Dad:



He laughed himself into a stupor for about 10 minutes after that.

Can someone come pick me up, my roommates are weird.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Dad in a car for ANTS!?

Much to my great pleasure, I think my dad has vastly outgrown my baby truck Leeroy. Because when I had to take him to his hotel tonight, it took him a good 10 seconds to squeeze in.

Kimberly:

"You okay there, Pilgrim?"

Dad: "Yuuuuuu-*hits knee on the dashboard*-uuuup."

Kimberly: "Awesome."


Then we pulled out of the parking lot and hit a gutter dip and he grunted like our old Golden Retriever, Ranger, when he was 13 years old and had a plethora of medical issues that caused him to make a groaning/grunting/heaving sound akin to a dying moose.

Dad: "Good gRIEF, KIMBERLY."

Kimberly: "What? He's a small truck, give him a break."


And upon making it to our destination, he just about flew out of the car like a bat out of hell.

Dad:

"Alright well thanks, it feels great to be alive."

Kimberly:

"OH IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT DAY TOMORROW, DAD."


Payback is a bumache, isn't it, parents?

YOU ASKED FOR THIS.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Gygi's.

I had to go to Gygi's today for my dad to buy some more melting chocolate and cinnamon bears for 'enrobing' AKA making chocolate-covered cinnamon bears and chocolate peanut clusters and what have you.

Called to make sure I was on the right track with The Burb.

Kimberly: "Hi Papa, I'm at Gygi's - do you want the 2.5 lb bag or the 5 lb bag?"

Dad: "The big one."

Kimberly: "Alright, and it's the white chocolate you want right?"

Dad:

Kimberly:


Dad:

"I would report you. To Odin."


Kimberly:

"WH-?!"


Dad: "I can't talk right now, don't forget the cinnamon bears."


FINAL SUMMATION:

I'm moving back to a place where my jokes go completely ignored and unappreciated for what they truly are.


Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Oops lol.

So this place is as dead as a doorknob (a phrase I have never in my life understood and also don't understand why I still use it), but hopefully it'll spark back up again once I'm back bunking with The Boss and Her Colonel.

That's right, I'm going to live in P'rump for awhile, it's official.


Yeah, I'm super excited about it, guys.


Now, don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be back with the psychotic, mentally unstable couple that consistently doesn't even try to hide their very blatant attempts at manipulating each and every one of their children to move down where they are. Forget the fact that we know they won't be living in Spitwad Town forever and what happens to us if we did move down with them AFTER they left.

Like no, you can't have fifteen cakes and eat them too. Unless it's me, apparently. That little crappy chocolate cake off in the corner with its meager frosting and embellishments. You're getting that cake, I suppose.

However, I freaking like my nest, okay? Salt Lake City will and always has been and always will be my nest. And living with my best friend is too fun to simply just walk off from without getting all Cranky 'I'll-do-this-because-Heavenly-Father-wants-me-to-but-I'mma-whine-the-whole-way' Kimi mode.

Also, selective packing sucks. I just threw all of my DVDs into a duffle even though I probably won't watch any dang one because of Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Prime/parents buy me stuff.


The Godfather's gonna get down here and probably look into the distance at an invisible camera like in The Office when he sees this.




And the reasons for this move, you ask? Well. I'll be frank. It's my mental health and it's scaring people. So momma said to go to rehab and I said noooooo nooooooo no. So this Alaskan grizzly bear is going down to Southern Nevada to be roasted by the devil sun and finally have a piano again and do schoolwork from a state away and get free food and also terrorized by her Papa Grizzly Bear every dang day.

So don't worry. Don't offer if you can do anything. Don't call my mom asking what's wrong with me. If you're curious, ask me. Mainly because I'm an adult and a big girl and I'm absolutely fine answering questions if I trust you with them, but also because I can explain things at a much faster pace than dear Marilee can.

In short, I'm fine. And I'll be back.

Until then, stay crappy with your air quality, Salt Lake. And save my spot.


Sunday, November 30, 2014

Annual video post.

I thought this was fitting considering the weather was supposed to be rainy and snowing lately and it's barely done anything.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Officially November.

So that means Christmas shopping obviously.

Time for my annual run-down of what I want in case anyone decides to get me something.


  1. iTunes giftcards.
  2. an XboxONE. (It's only like 400 bucks it's fine.)
  3. This.

Aaaaaaand that's pretty much it.